Shock, denial, and the strange normal of the first days after diagnosis

Hollywood vs. Reality of Life-Changing News

Hollywood has messed up our expectations in general, but honestly, the one that I 've felt most strongly is how life-changing news is received. In a movie, typically this is a cathartic moment when the main character arc changes for good- either in search of life's meaning, preparing for an epic personal battle, uniting an entire community to support an esteemed member. Somehow, from that moment on, every single character in the plot seems to be engaged in this journey along with our main character. The reality is so, so different!

The Day My World Stopped, but Everyone Else’s Went On

Don't get me wrong, I am not a naive dreamer. I am actually a very pragmatic and realistic person. Things are what they are. But I can't deny that I had this built-in expectation that this type of news would change everything. And it did - but only for me and the ones close to me (that I can count on my fingers).

The truth is, when the diagnosis came, my world was shaken so deeply that nothing else would be the same, but for everyone else, it was only one more regular Thursday. I remember after receiving the nurse's call, I left the conference room I was in and looked around - my life was not the same anymore, but everyone's life was exactly the same. Same reports, meetings, deliveries, tasks... to me, after that call, nothing else was the same.

Shock and Denial in the First Days After Diagnosis

As expected, the first reaction is shock: I felt like I was walking on clouds or in a dream for a while. Nothing seemed real anymore, and I think my brain was trying to convince me that I had it all wrong and I would wake up at any minute. Denial had set in. I obsessively re-read the same report a dozens of times.

I had this insane hope that someone would suddenly discover a mistake and my report would get corrected (even though I had already spoken with my physician and the oncology nurse).

Walking Through the Stages of Grief

I do think we walk through all of the stages of grieving: denial, anger ("Why me?"), bargaining (in my case, trying to control everything), depression (sadness is inevitable), and finally acceptance—I went back to my normal self: it is what it is, move on.

However, it is never a linear process: some days I go back to some of those stages, and I am finding that I need to really feel them. It is what it is, even when those feelings are hard. Life goes on.

Living in the Strange Normal

The weirdest thing for me right now is this so called normal: I have accepted it , I have a plan, and life goes on. However, I am still battling a major illness, this is not a walk in the park. Still, the world keeps spinning and everyone is going on their own merry way. I sometimes feel the urge to yell : "Give me a break, I have cancer!" It is not to cause pitty (actually this is the worse way someone can try to connect with me - I will write one post only about telling people), but because people need to understand individual journeys are so much more than what we see. Be kind, be empathetic, try to help. This experience makes me reflect daily: is the person in front of me also carrying a life-changing event no one else can see?

The In-Between: Unseen Battles Everyone Carries

What strikes me most about these early days is the in-between. Life has shifted forever, yet treatment hasn’t begun, and the world around me moves as if nothing happened. It’s a strange normal—living in the pause between diagnosis and action, between private upheaval and public acknowledgment. In that limbo, I am learning that shock and denial are not just fleeting stages but companions in the waiting. And while everyone else carries on, I carry the weight of a reality they cannot see, reminding me that so many of us walk through unseen battles every day.